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Add one part satire to two parts sincerity. Sprinkle on a couple of rants. Stir liberally.
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Daily Blah FAQ
Who are you?
I'm the newly-appointed Future editor at Business 2.0 and the former San Francisco correspondent for Time Magazine.
Wow, so does this mean everything you write reflects Time Inc's opinion? Or do you perhaps have some sort of standard disclaimer to the effect that it doesn't?
Naturally, the opinions contained in this blog are not those of my employers. In fact, some opinions may be the polar opposite of my employers. Some may be the same, for all I know. Hey, it's not like I ask my employers their opinions about everything in the news, okay? Let's just say that if this were a Venn diagram with one circle marked "my opinions" and the other one marked "my employers' opinions", there would doubtless be some overlap. But neither I nor my employers are able to pinpoint exactly where that overlap is.
What is this Daily Blah thing?
An experiment for a column I wrote about blogging back in December 2001. All these years later, I haven't been able to kick the habit.
If it's called Daily Blah, how come you don't ... hey, wait, you're writing every day!
See? Told you I'd try harder.
Mister, you talk funny. Are you one of them furrners?
Why yes I am, as it happens. I was born, raised and educated in Great Britain. I've been living in the U.S. since 1996 and identify as British.
I say, old chap, you forgot the "u" in "colour."
No I didn't. I may identify as British, but I am also an American journalist writing for an American audience about mostly American issues. These two different sides of me are a constant source of tension. Nevertheless, Daily Blah will adhere to American English grammar and spelling.
Praise for Daily Blah:
"It is fun to watch the author's navel-gazing joy." - Sunday Times (UK)
"It's really funny and informative." - Dave Eggers, author
"The Blah is becoming a daily destination for me." - Richard Marsh, Playwright
"I like it, and I don't." - Fiona Hogg, Teacher
"Better than Xanax." - Lessley Andersen, journalist
"Dude, lay off the crack pipe." - Souris Hong-Porretta, gamesmith
Friends, Bloggers, Countrymen ... lend your ears to these people. I come not to bury them, but praise them.
Arik
Bill
Dan
Cole
Emily B
Emily G
Helena
Jee
Jewelz
Kaila
Kathryn
Mac
Robin
Slim
Souris
Mr. West
My TIME articles
All magazine articles (subscription required for older stories)
Online column index
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Daily Blah for... Wednesday, April 24, 2002
Hey, good looking ...
Welcome to Daily Blah; come in, sit down, have you lost weight? You're looking gorgeous. What an excellent choice you've made to come to this website, but I wouldn't expect anything less from an intellectual giant like yourself. I like how you're doing your hair. Is that a new dress? What do you mean, flattery will get me everywhere?
Daily Blah for... Tuesday, April 23, 2002
Steve Jobs = Satan?
So you're using a Macintosh? Heathen! Blasphemer! Didn't you know Apple rejects creationism? That the first Apple was sold for $666.66? That it was founded by long-haired hippies? Unlike Christianity, of course, which was -- oh, wait.
Of course, the above links look suspicious from the start. Even Creationists aren't that stupid. And doesn't this look a wee bit Onion-ish to you? Yes, the whole Objective Ministries site is a satire, albeit a far more subtle one than Landover Baptist, the website it claims to want shut down. But the subtlety is enough for it to reside on Truepath, a (genuine) "Christian-centered" web-hosting service. Evidently, products like the "Jesus action figure" (in your choice of white or black) are close enough to the reality of Christian marketing. Anyone willing to take bets on how long it'll take Truepath to get the joke and shut the site down? Regardless, a wonderful victory for the forces of parody.
Daily Blah for... Monday, April 22, 2002
Crazy Kooks Gouge Google
From the people who brought you the Dmitry Sklyarov case ... yes, the terrifying Hollywood-born monstrosity that is the Digital Millennium Copyright Act strikes again. This time it is being used as a weapon by the even-more-pernicious Church of Scientology to attack everyone's favorite search engine, Google. You see, just as it links to almost everywhere on the web, Google used to link to a website that criticizes Scientology and contains copyrighted Scientology material. Now the breathtakingly stupid DMCA, a law written to protect Big Entertainment's profits in the post-Napster age, says any kind of technology that allows you or me to view copyrighted material without the owner's permission is criminal technology. So the high priests of Travolta were able to bully Google into removing the links. But there's a sunny side to the story -- the church's complaint letter, which contains the offending web addresses, is now the second most popular search result for "Scientology" on Google -- and in a far more prominent place than the link that got nixed. Just goes to show: on the Internet, be extra-careful what you wish for. You might get it.
Daily Blah for... Friday, April 19, 2002
Everything Stops for Tee
Speaking of executive addictions, this is an evil little golf-putting game. I hit par in three tries -- see if you can too.
Mailoholics Anonymous
If you're anything like me, about half of your working day is swallowed up by e-mail. You can't let fifteen minutes go by without wondering whether another vital work message or another missive from a friend has dropped into your inbox. You're forever behind in replying to messages, and when you do reply, you labor over it like it's your last will and testament. Sometimes you even read it again when it's in the outbox, several times, just to make sure. The solution? A 12-step e-mail addiction recovery program. Step one -- of course -- is to admit you have a problem.
Daily Blah for... Thursday, April 18, 2002
Cut to the Chaise
I never thought it was possible to fall in love with a line of furniture until I discovered the Urbana collection. (And yes, I get commission every time I say that.) It was created by a couple of Los Angeles artists and it's sold in my favorite San Francisco seating store, Soma Sofa. (Those guys paid for that mention, too. Bucketfuls o' cash.) These past few days I've been obsessed with rearranging my living room -- not literally, but virtually, using QuarkXpress. (Wonder how many endorsements I can squeeze into one blog entry?) I measure everything in the place, squeeze it down by a factor of ten, draw text boxes to match, and play house to my heart's content (ultimately arranging everything in a feng shui kinda way). What I'm finally leaning towards getting, what it seems I have the perfect space for, is the delicious Alexandria Chaise -- and here's where I wish all those endorsements were real, because it's going to cost a pretty penny. But c'mon, just look at those beautiful cartoonish curves! If I have any cash left after that, I might just go for the Carousel Swivel Chair, which has been haunting my dreams for two years now. Mmmm ... purple furniture ...
Daily Blah for... Monday, April 15, 2002
Back in the SF groove
Sorry, I've slipped again, haven't I? Put it down to the first-week-back blues. What have I been up to? Learning how to hack my iPod, and chatting with Steve Jobs. I've interviewed the Apple supremo many times before, but this was the first time he called me up out of the blue. You usually have to pass through a huge phalanx of flacks to get to the man. When my phone rang and the caller ID displayed "Pixar studios," I assumed it was another one of said flacks. But no. It was Jobs, sounding very nasal and apologizing for the cold he'd caught. I can't remember much of what we talked about, other than that it was off the record and that I spent much of the conversation thinking "I am not cool enough for this phone."
Saturday night I went to a regular rave called Radiance at Kelly's Mission Rock, one of my least favorite rave venues since alcohol is served on the premises. There's nothing more deleterious to the vibe in a chill-out room than a couple of stumbling drunks. Nevertheless, it was a highly enjoyable night and, thankfully, about half as crowded as the last time I went to this event, about a year ago (more evidence that dotcom doom has thinned out the ranks of the city's young). And it got me back in the west coast swing of things. At the opening ceremony, as soft red lights bathed the bar and mirrorballs swirled above the crowd, we were all encouraged to sit down, close our eyes and "feel the energy of springtime passing between our hands." Yes, I thought, I'm definitely back in San Francisco.
Daily Blah for... Wednesday, April 10, 2002
Tanned, Rested, Ready
In response to the thousands of distraught fans who wrote in -- well, there was only one e-mail from a woman named Jess, but I'm sure she was speaking for thousands -- asking where the hell their daily dose of Blah is, all I can say is: didn't you read the previous post? I was on vacation, people. I just got back two days ago from my last stop, this rustic farmhouse in the tasteful north of the trendy isle of Ibiza, and I'm still fighting my jet lag. At least, I think it's jet lag. The symptoms seem to consist of taking a lot of naps. Maybe it's that old allergy to work rearing its ugly head again.
I'm terribly excited at the fact that my good friend and mentor Josh Quittner, Time columnist extraordinare, former editor of On magazine and the guy who hired me in the first place, has seen sense and moved to San Francisco, where he'll take the reins of another fabulous Time Inc. publication, Business 2.0. I've long said that all I need for a perfect life is to have the islands of Manhattan and Britain towed through the Panama canal and attached to the side of the Bay Area, so that all my friends and relatives will be within easy reach. But if they decide to migrate here one at a time, so much the better.
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